A story of rags to roses.

This group of amazing electro-pop dance enthusiasts popped into the music scene like a Jamaican fire cracker, full of style and sizzle. This savvy group were described by The Independent as: ‘an amazing trio destined to conquer the souls of every free thinking man and woman on the continent’ ‘The Sun’ said: ‘they’re the best thing to happen to England since 1966 yeaaaaah’ The members of this group are amazing individuals with amazing talent, imagination and copious amounts of sex appeal.

Thomas Egg, the artist and mix master, has won two golden globes and is rumoured to be the most alluring person in pop. He started off life as a bassist for the critically acclaimed Botox kings, and then decided on a solo career as a warrior monk whereby it was rumoured that he travelled to Japan to learn self control and the art of killing. When he thought the time was right he returned home to help create the most amazing group in history.

Alistair Egg, also known as the ‘Muse’ is the creative inspiration of the group. He has been frequently voted as a gay icon of the year and is the reason Beckham had recently been removed. He was heard to have said ‘how the fuck did that harry potter twat beat me in the polls’. He spent several years in Nepal growing his beard and building dojos out of match sticks. Without his creativity, the teens wouldn’t be what they are today.

Last but not least, John Egg, the brains and cash behind this manic machine. He spent many years in and out of prison in Brazil for criminal activities involving teenrage girls and tom cats. This crazed sex machine is aiming to break the record set by his great grandfather Genghis Khan regarding the most offspring ever. And he’s close. It’s rumoured that thanks to his underground relationships with the Colombian, British and Italian criminal underworld egg the teens are where they are today. This is denied.


They started off as ‘the cocker spaniels’ in 2001 but found that the name lacked a special something. They broke up and travelled east, and in John’s case west, to think things out. After their return to home soil they each supplied a word to make up Egg The Teens. It is not known who supplied what, but it is rumoured that John supplied teens.

Their first album ‘Pours les celebrites francais seulement’ was discovered by the famed group Radiohead’ during a clean up of their set after their concert in Paris. They loved the tunes so much that they invited the Teens over for tea and cookies and tried to assassinate them and use the music themselves. However no contact details were present as a certain Thomas Egg forgot to include them and the Teens plan for success via that route failed miserably. It wasn’t until late 2007 during their titillating performance during the Hamswell festival that they were discovered by Ringo Starr and are now the stars that we know and love.

This team of nuns are now courted by celebrities from around the world. Ivan Cheung is dying to include his bass antics to the group musical orchestra and Sir H El-Wakeel has already donated voice clips and dance videos to help this fledging group along.

So where will the teens go next?
Conquer the New World?
Or dominate the Old?
We just have to wait and see…..