Good evening all
Tonight we begin with the story of our
Impending fall
But first we’ll examine this summer’s fashions
From wall to wall
Then sports with Heather; Todd gives you weather at ten

Taking your mind off all the things that matter
Dumbing it all down with mindless chatter
Stay in your seats; you won’t want to miss tonight’s big show
The question remains
Do you want to know?

This just in
The President passed a groundbreaking bill to
Forgive your sins
Turn up the volume, turn up the volume
Six live feeds
Missing the point of this minute’s major
Emergency
Turn up the volume, turn up the volume

We bring you
Eternally breaking, uncompromisingly
Filtered news
With a spoonful of sugar, you’ll take the medicine
We abuse
Stop what you’re doing; be sure to tune in tonight

I can't even hear myself thinking